Nice crisp morning in Paris followed by a nice “lets test your sanity” kind of crusty flight. The main ingredients that almost gave me ulcers were two 7 yr old brats and an over the top princess who hated getting drenched by 4 water droplets. She practically melted, it was hard spotting her on her seat with just a nasty voice crackling my zen ears telling me how much of an inconvenience it was. I totally agreed! All this was followed by a 1.5 L of cold water on an innocent man and a kiss on my thigh :). Can you really blame me for writing out my thoughts?
An “ass kisser” Jacqueline and ” I don’t give a flying hoot about you” Conor got on the flight and were seated next to each other. Conor looked like a bashed up version of Macaulay Culkin with the French attitude of I know it all, I am after all 7 years old and Jacqueline looked like a waif, unkempt hair and big blue eyes and a shrewd Frenchwoman’s attitude of either complain and get everything for free or lick ass and still get everything for free. Her first and her parting words to me were ” Madame vous- êtes belle” and ” Madame, merci. C’étais le plus agréable vol de ma vie. ” I have to say she was politically correct all the way. Their little “walking dead” drama continued the whole 7h30 minutes of the flight with orange juice and coke flying in each others direction followed by a face scratch and a face punch. In this medley we threw in a cop scare to settle these two delinquents which led them to read stories to each-other, pretending to be best friends to save face.
While all this was going on at the aft of the aircraft, we had a princess who was highly upset due to water leaking in her lap, a total of 4 drops from condensation due to a section of faulty insulation right above her seat by the over head compartment. Nothing to be worried about but of course that led her all frustrated and upset. Her journey was ruined. We made it all so hard for her. We are a nasty inconsiderate bunch,out there to get her with our water droplets. BOO HOO GET LOST!
Then came the time to feed our happy souls some juice, pop, tea, coffee, water… loads of water, full 1.5 liters of cold water. I have the expensive L’Occitaine hand cream to blame for that blunder. It smells so good. Nice lavender fragrance that just intoxicates me and takes me to this happy place, away from the unaccompanied minors and the evil French tart. The bottle of water slips out of my hand and lands right on top of this kind gent, soaking him to his underwear. How embarrassing is it, you want to laugh coz it’s so funny yet you want to hide your face in shame for what the poor guy is experiencing. Cold and wet panties. I was sure to be sent to hell instead his response made me want to do everything to make the rest of his 2 hours on board the best he had ever had in his passenger experience on any airline. ” You didn’t mean it, happens to the best of us. Its only water…i enjoyed the shower.” Have a coffee with Baileys, take the whole bottle of any wine you prefer as an apology for making you go through what i did. I would offer him a free flight if it were in my control. What worse could have happened to him after him losing his luggage for the whole vacation, returning home and getting a cold water bottle emptied on his head? Really, nothing. It was the cherry he was waiting for, it made his day, yet he took it in his stride and earned everyone’s respect. Why can’t we have more people like him? Positive, respectful and considerate.
This calls for a video moment. The video shall sum up my flight except i doubt posting it is such a good idea. The smiles and the frowns. Sitting there, kneeling to the level of the delinquents, trying to make sense to them to stop killing each other i have this 1 yr old waddle up to me – caress my thigh, feeling the softness of my nylons, liking it so much that she bends over and plants two toothy kisses on my thigh. TWO slobbery TOOTHY kisses on MY thigh. Could it get any better than that??? Doubt it. That did it for me. The cherry on my cake and a smile on my face. I LOVE MY JOB. All this in my day’s work, better than anyone else’s.